missymess
I have recently been diagnosed as having BPD.It took ten years to get my dignosis. It started in my early teens. Although my mother and I are close, this condition puts a terrible strain on our relationship. I greatly admire many parents of BPD sufferers: it's like they embody all the patience of a saint! My mother likens living with me, to walking through a mine field. She feels that she has to be constantly on guard to keep me safe from potentially devistating 'triggers'. She has to bite her tongue to avoid saying anything that might upset me, or cause me to withdraw, and take refuge in my room. It's difficult to avoid the things that set off the wild and unpredictable moodswings, as nobody seems to know exactly what they are, and the smallest thing can escalate into a full blown crisis. Motivation is a major problem too. A mood shift can cause feelings of utter despair, and many BPD patients become quiet, withdrawn, and reluctant to do ANYTHING. My mother feels hopeless when she is unable to get me out of bed, convince me to get dressed, or even encourage me to to get outside to take in some fresh air. It must be soul destoying for a parent to see their child in such a mess, and feel powerless to do anything about it. On the other hand, a person with BPD often feels that they are a burden, and the slightest mention of the struggle it is to live with them, can cause irreperable damage, and suffering. It's hard to know what to do for the best. I know that having the unconditional love and support of my family, (all be it stretched a little thin from time to time!) is of IMMENSE value to me. And although I'm often crushed with feelings of guilt for creating the emotional rollercoaster my family, (and particularly my long suffering mother) are living alongside me, I know that I couldn't survive without them. All you can do for you daughter, at the moment, is love and support her. Dont allow yourself to harbour feelings of guilt, or inadequacy for the way she is. My mother held herself accountable for my behaviour for years, and it almost destroyed her. There are many support groups for the parents of BPD patients. They usually have links to bulletin boards and chat rooms, that aim to support the parent, and offer a safe place to discuss their difficulties with other parents. It may be helpful to talk to others with similar children. Remember, you are not alone! Best of luck to you!