Teia
I don't know where you live and I'm not a lawyer in any case but I think here (Ontario Canada) a precedent is set if a parent maintains a dependent child into adulthood. The fact that it had been done before indicates the person's wishes which a substitute decision-maker may have to respect provided that the support does not compromise the care needs of the parent. You'd need a lawyer to assess the situation. As for the mental health system, a case manager should be provided to your brother-in-law to help him learn the skills in taking care of his home. There was once a case here where a young man stored newspapers to the point where it could be a fire hazard. We suggested the family bring in a fireman to explain the rules to the son. After 3 years of noncompliance the fire department took action, saving the family from having to fight with the son. Your case may be different but you might call Public Health. A friend of mine whose mother lived with Alzheimer's in another city got Public Health to send inspectors periodically. When the mother could no longer cope under supervision, they facilitated entry into a nursing home. You might discuss options with your brother-in-law regarding his living situation. If he can't cope, might he prefer a group home? You might ask him as well what he would like you to do? Sometimes, giving a person decision-making power helps them take on responsibility in a deal. As for money, that's the problem for all of us. Check your tax laws to see if you can get credit for supporting a disabled person. You might also find out about the status on the house. If it is left for him in trust you might be able to become his trustee and arrange a reverse mortgage to supplement his income. The problem then is that public support will be cut back so he'd be no further ahead. Can he rent out rooms perhaps? I hope you get lots of ideas to think about through your outreach and find a way to cope. My prayers are with you and your husband.