Ashame of what? My my, just be greatful your alive. I had this since 1985 and was given 6 mos. to two years to live. I have had alot of bad times and some good times. The seceret is to find a doctor that will help you mantain as close to a normal life as possible, workout daily,eat right, and above all keep your mind busy! There is nothing to be ashamed of you are ill and no one can tell you why, how, or when. I'm a Christian so it's easy on me because I know God gives me each day to live upon this earth and I'm taking it, and I plan to live it to it's fullest. You need to do the same. Good luck and I will pray for you.