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borderline personality disorder


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in response to your question i am not sure what finally made me realize that i was most of the problem.....i had a close friend say to me not to hurt my feelings but she said you know when you think your right nothing is gonna change your mind.......then she at another time told me i am making this worse than what it is.....i started to think i am literally gonna drive him away if i dont stop all this....i thought it was severe pms went to doctor put me on medicine (wellbutrin) well it has helped but when i lose it now i really lose it....i went off one day and resorted back to a old habit of self-injury.....and it set me off to find out what is wrong with me i started searching on the internet about self-injury and when i read about borderline personality disorder i was shocked to see my self in that...but also relieved in a strange way....now i can help my husband understand why i freak out why i dont like to be left alone etc etc etc......the list goes on and now he is starting to see why i do and say what i do i have had a few other out breaks here lately and he took my yelling and then later i wanted to hurt my self for being so out of it and he stopped me he came in put me in bed and checked on every few seconds i knew he really cared. He likes to roll his eyes at me when i am going off and it literally makes it worse...i have to admit sometimes he could do every thing right and i would still find something wrong.....my brain finds all the bad....i dont like being around alot of people cause all there gonna do is end up hurting me. My brain constantly plays back every memory of hurtful episodes in my life.....i had a bad child hood being abandoned when i was 3 and then mild molestation ......but all of this was my fault because i was so bad and not wanted so i felt. I wish i had answer for you it took alot for me to understand i was the problem i can only say trully listen to her is the biggest fear we have that now one really listens anymore because we blow things out of proportion. email is welcome i am new at dealing with this my doctor sent me to a different doctor a pychotherapist and put me on some more medicine Buspar which i dont like the combination of wellbutrin and it but i have an appt. feb 15 maybe they wil change it....good luck and i hear the book "walking on eggshells " is really good you can find it on amazon.com i need to buy it too. if you respond to this message i can send you some info on stuff for yourself...i try to read it to my husband to help him not feel like its his fault, he always is appoligizing and i feel for him.


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