hi natalie, i read your message and felt I should reply as I can really empathise with how you feel. i'm 20 and have had eating disorders since i was 14. now i am in a hospital for therapy and have been told i have borderline personality disorder. i started off by starving myself etc but after a few years couldn't cope with every minute of my day being consumed with whether i had eaten too much or whether i had magically expanded in a matter of minutes because thats "just the type of person i am". looking back i wish i had taken myself seriously sooner and believed the desperation that i felt to be real. its really hard to imagine that your problem is more than about whether you're fat or thin but it is and it is very serious. you need to get help for yourself to look at what is underneath your need to use food as a way of coping with your emotional pain. i found that people trying to scare me with facts about the danger of eating disorders made me worse and i believed i was different to most people in that i couldn't eat what others ate cos i put weight on so quick. if you don't do anything about this it won't just go away because anorexia and bulimia serves a purpose in your life. for me that was about denying to myself and everyone else that i needed anything or anyone. i felt it weak to want a hug or even a friend. i can't tell you that it does just go away i still feel fat most days but its about getting used to what that really means e.g. feeling engulfed or smothered or too needy. one thing i know is that when i look back i wish i was that thin again but at the time i felt as fat as i do now and it never changes, you'll never feel thin enough and as long as you are in the spiral of anorexia or bulimia you will never feel good emotionally.